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Title: The Details Involved in Raising the Future Enslaver of Man
Fandom: Supernatural RPF
Pairing/characters: Misha, Jared, Jensen
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 670~
Disclaimer: Total fiction. (Probably.)
Summary: Today is a good day to be Misha's friend.
Note: For [livejournal.com profile] ohmiya_sg for being wonderful and subbing Wonderful Things and for that she gets ALL THE WEIRD. ♥ Thank you, awesomeness. :D

Today is a good day to be Misha's friend. Granted, so was yesterday, and tomorrow will be too, but today is the real deal, and if you don't take the chance to get in on some friendship in the next sixteen hours, you'll be missing out on a genuine, prime cut of excellence.

Because today, not-friends, today is King Godfather Day.

See, he and the Mother of the Future Enslaver of Man already have godparents for the Future Enslaver of Man, but it's recently dawned on Misha that there needs to be some hierarchy in the godfamily. Someone to rule over the godparents with grace and dignity. Someone to provide Misha with more reasons than "fuckin' 'cause" to make a crown out of olive leaves and Trader Joes pasta shells.

He's got purple glitter glue somewhere, too.

"And this is where you come in," he tells Jared.

Who does not seem to grasp the solemnity of the occasion.

"You have purple glitter glue? Do they put the glitter in first? Or does the glue come first?"

"A question for the ages," Misha says, momentarily distracted. "Do you think it's special glitter they use or just run-of-the-mill stuff? And now I've got glitter mills on the brain. What a hellish contrast – glitter and grueling, agonizing forced labor in a mill. Now that's a My Little Pony I could feel comfortable showing the child."

Jared nods. "Have you seen the new one, though? It's not bad. The pink one reminds me of you. Kind of...crossed with the derpy-eyed one."

"We're getting off the subject," Misha says, severe. "I want you to be the ruler of my progeny's godparents."

Jared nods.

"And I want you to nod if you understand the gravity of that title."

Jared nods.

"And I want you to nod if you are now, and forever shall be, my bitch."

Jared shakes his head.

"There's time enough for you to come to terms with that," Misha says with a small sigh. "Now, for your duties."

"Duty," Jared says, straight-faced.

They pause for a moment of silent appreciation of the word, during which Jensen arrives with an apple, chewing with his mouth open. He has Dean Face on, nodding before he's even heard a word of the conversation.

"When you're in the presence of the Almighty Awesomeness," Misha begins, "you will be expected to wear, at all times, the Crown of I Am Not Worthy (Even Though I'm King)."

"Of Douchenozzlery," Jensen adds.

Misha ignores him. "Secondly, you will be expected to hold world-enslaving strategy meetings with the godparents on every third Tuesday of every month containing a Swedish national holiday. Military dress is required – preferably something pre-dating the American Revolution – and cookies in the shape of appropriately-mustached dictators will be provided by the hosts."

Jared raises his hand.

"Yes, Your Highness?"

"Um, does Yosemite Sam count as a dictator since he's kind of the only character we ever see in the West apart from Bugs Bunny?"

"Dude," Jensen says, disgusted. "There were a shit ton of other characters. What the hell kind of Texan are you? More importantly, when was the last time you watched Looney Tunes, you waste of tall?"

"Thirdly," Misha interrupts. "Piggyback rides. Prepare to give a lot of them."

"But I'd do that anyway," Jared says.

"Yeah, but now you've got to do it with a kingly sense of decorum," Misha says.

"How do I do that?"

"That's up to Your Highness to decide."

Jensen raises his hand and his left eyebrow together.

"Yes, Ackles?"

Jensen looks put out at the lack of title. "What do I get to be?" he asks.

Misha frowns, putting deep and profound thought into the role this man will play in the upbringing of the Enslaver of Man (and Certain Intelligent or Otherwise Particularly Uppity Animals).

"Spit-Up Catcher."

Jensen brandishes his apple core at Jared, looking smug. "I'll make that cool," he says.

Misha frowns. "What's not cool about it?"
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