Oct. 24th, 2011

Simple

Oct. 24th, 2011 03:42 pm
zukkokya: (eternal homosexuall fyre)
I don't remember being aware of homosexuality when I was a kid. People around me discussed it, I'm sure, but I didn't notice. There are homosexual members of my family, but they were never openly referred to as gay, so I didn't notice their lack of wives or husbands. I was raised Catholic and attended Catholic school, but the only people there who even hinted at homosexuality were my peers and I who would would go, "Eewww," if a boy so much as looked at another boy too long. On the other hand, we also did that when girls looked at boys and boys looked at girls. I'm sure there were plenty of other markers, and I'm sure my classmates made more noise about it than I remember, but I either didn't notice or I've since forgotten. I was preoccupied with filling plastic egg cartons with mud and picking the marshmallows out of my Lucky Charms.

When I did become more aware of homosexuality, I didn't think it was something that applied to me personally. When I was around ten or eleven it was because Homosexuality was Wrong. Then, after I started reading slash fanfiction around the age of twelve and gradually turned away from that line of thinking, it was because I liked boys a lot, and I figured that if I liked girls too, I would notice. Besides, I wasn't particularly self-aware when I was a teenager; at my worst, I had a tendency to brood and possessed a borderline caustic sense of humor. I didn't do a lot of self-reflection, and my interests were mostly male-populated (boy bands, mostly-male-dominated TV shows and movies, etc.).

It wasn't until college, when I was on my own and utterly apart from all the people I'd grown up with and used to identify myself, that I started to relax.

And when I did, I realized I'd always liked both girls and boys. But... )

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