c'est la vie, c'est la PORN!

[zukkokya]

Today after I left my defective darling with the tech people, I walked up to Rockefeller Center to mope in Kino (Japanese bookstore). Saw ridiculously attractive boy, forgot what I wanted to look for, got something better to look at instead. *THUMBS UP* Waved at him, got a blink and then a grin. Skimmed a book on the yakuza, then wandered outside to the farmer's market in the Center. Bought a bunch of carrots, white cherries and an ear of corn for two dollars and fifty cents.

VEGGIE GUY: Dollar fifty.
SELF: Whoa.
VEGGIE GUY: What?
SELF: [blink] What?

FRUIT GUY: [weighs cherries] One dollar.
SELF: Only one?
FRUIT GUY: [head tilt] Yeah...?
SELF: Whoo!
FRUIT GUY: [grin] You shop at Whole Foods, don't you?

Came home, made stew, drank tea, hunted down my old laptop and I'm now watching The Muppet Movie. Have decided Ohno should sing 'Rainbow Connection' dressed up as Kermit. Rainbows, dude. He's sort of obligated. Also, Subaru=Gonzo.


SO NOW. To distract myself from the impending agony of four days of waiting until anyone gives me a status update on my defective darling, I propose a MEME.


THE SMUT MEME.

Comment with a pairing, place and position and I'll reply with a few paragraphs of porn. *BEAMS*

HIT ME UP, BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE.


ETA: As my lovely assistant Laura has demonstrated, you may comment more than once. XD

ETA JR: Got any more, flist? *cackles, throws down gauntlet*

Comments

[spurious.livejournal.com]

JOKI, UP AGAINST A WALL IN A CLUB

[pinkpapyrus.livejournal.com]

Koki smells smoke and sweat and cologne and perfume and alcohol and Jin's breath panting on his neck.

Jin went to the very bottom of his wardrobe for this outfit. Jeans he hasn't worn since last summer, frayed at the cuffs and artfully slashed above the knees and below the ass. Koki hooks his index finger through the denim and prints a crescent with his nail into the bare skin of Jin's thigh.

Jin opens his mouth on Koki's neck with a laugh. His tongue drags up to Koki's ear, and his voice is thick and drunk when he whispers, "Go higher."

Apparently there aren't boxers at the bottom of Jin's wardrobe.

[spurious.livejournal.com]

BARYO ON A ROOFTOP WITH RYO IN SUBARU'S LAP

[pinkpapyrus.livejournal.com]

Eight members walk into the party. Two keep walking. Ryo and Subaru navigate through the mob of Hina's friend's roommate's acquaintances looking for an exit. Ryo loses Subaru once when four drunk girls rush him, mewling "Ryo-chan!" and pawing at his wifebeater. Ryo flushes and smiles and ducks his head and panics until he feels soft, gloved fingers seize his wrist. Subaru leads Ryo under elbows and over furniture until they find the stairs.

The second floor isn't as crowded, but it's infinitely scarier. Subaru rushes through a stale, pungent fog, opening the first door he finds and pulling Ryo inside. There's a couple...of couples in bed, and Ryo pushes Subaru to the window before Subaru loses it and screams.

Once they're on the roof, Subaru folds into a crouch. He's panting, squeezing his eyes shut. Ryo kneels in front of Subaru and gently palms his knee.

All at once, Subaru decides he's traumatized and he needs a very specific brand of therapy to recover. He goes for Ryo's chest, tracing above the neckline of his wifebeater with his tongue, so he can hear Ryo forcing back moans.

Very soon Subaru is coaxed out of his crouch. He pulls on Ryo's waist until Ryo kneels over Subaru's lap. Subaru bites Ryo's jaw and pauses, listening to Ryo's strangled groan. When Subaru licks over the mark, he feels Ryo's shudder from chest to groin.

[spurious.livejournal.com]

RYOPI

UM

COVERT HANDJOBS ON A TRAIN

[pinkpapyrus.livejournal.com]

When Ryo is past comprehension (speaking Kansai-ben so thickly and giggly only Shige kind of understands him), Takki sends him home with Yamapi. They're on the train ten minutes, Ryo snug under Yamapi's arm, when Yamapi feels fingernails dragging down his stomach.

They're facing the door. None of the other six passengers can see anything unless they're looking at the glass like Yamapi is. Unless they're staring at the reflection of Ryo's hand slipping into Yamapi's jeans.

Yamapi shuts his eyes. He doesn't see it, so it's not happening. People randomly orgasm all the time. It's normal. It's--

"Uunh."

"Shhh."

Ryo's thumb pushes down the side of Yamapi's cock, flicking the head with his nail. Yamapi winces, turned on and mortified and why hasn't he stopped this yet? He's a bad person. A bad, bad, bad, bad,

"Good, good, Ryo-chan."

"Shhh." Ryo giggles, "Pi-chan." He puts his chin on Yamapi's shoulder and pumps faster.

Ryo had to be twenty-one and drunk before Yamapi noticed his fully developed sex drive.

[spurious.livejournal.com]

JIN/SUBARU BECAUSE OUR FAVORITES ARE REALLY HOT TOGETHER A;LKSDJF GOING SHOPPING, SEX IN A DRESSING ROOM UP AGAINST THE WALL

[pinkpapyrus.livejournal.com]

Jin asks Subaru to trust him. He's never done that before, so Subaru warily goes along with it. Try anything once, Hina tells him. That's how you make friends.

Hina's full of shit. But Jin's hot.

Subaru doesn't know if logic like that that actually adds up. But Jin's hot.

Jin as a shopping buddy is surprisingly helpful. He doesn't mind dealing with the shopkeepers and he's quietly amused by Subaru's love for secondhand stores. So when Jin says, "There's this great store up that street. It's more than what we've been spending, but. I'll treat you."

Subaru tries to refuse, but Jin has an odd light in his eyes and Subaru can never win against it. (Kame says "No" can work sometimes, but the easier option is surrender and hope for a tsunami.)

Jin leads Subaru into a dressing room, kisses his forehead and says, "Wait for me."

Subaru waits. Jin brings back two armfuls of clothes and immediately begins coordinating. Subaru stands by the mirror, watching Jin quietly while he slowly turns the ring on his pinky.

Jin presents the first outfit--black V-neck shirt made of some fabric Subaru has only worn in photoshoots and rhinestone-studded jeans. Subaru reaches for the shirt, but Jin misreads him intentionally and moves closer to undress Subaru himself.

Jin pushes the hem of Subaru's shirt up, sliding his palms from Subaru's waist to his shoulder blades. He kisses Subaru's neck, then pulls the shirt off. Subaru starts to grin when Jin sinks to his knees, dragging his nails down Subaru's sides as he goes.

Subaru breathes through his nose because he'll start groaning if he opens his mouth. Jin catches Subaru's naval ring in his teeth and tugs. Subaru gasps and whines, grabbing Jin's hair and shuddering all at once.

Jin thumbs the button of Subaru's jeans and drags them to his ankles. He mouths Subaru's cock through his boxers, breathing hot and slow. Subaru's fingers twist in Jin's soft hair.

Subaru's skills don't include withstanding foreplay. He pulls Jin up by the chain of his necklace and surges at him mouth first. He bites Jin's lower lip and pants as Jin's hands clench on his hips.

From there, Jin moves quicker. His fingers, wet and slick, push in and Subaru struggles to breathe around a moan. When Jin has his jeans off, Subaru tilts his head back on the mirror and grins at him, mouth open and panting.

Jin kisses Subaru hard, all pretense of control gone. He grasps Subaru's cock and flicks his wrist. When Subaru starts whimpering, Jin pushes him around and against the mirror. Subaru presses his forehead on the glass, forearms framing his head while Jin pushes into him.

He nearly shouts, but Jin's hand covers his mouth. He bites one of Jin's fingers accidentally, but Jin only moans and thrusts deeper. Subaru's fingers claw at the mirror.

Jin pulls Subaru's hips back as he pushes forward, and it only takes him another seven seconds to come apart. On the brink, Jin grips Subaru's cock and pulls three times until Subaru screams into Jin's palm.

Subaru doesn't buy the outfit, but he and Jin return to the store frequently enough that he feels obligated to buy a scarf every now and then.

[spurious.livejournal.com]

YOKO/AIBA IN SOMEPLACE WHERE THEY HAVE TO BE QUIET AND YOKO WON'T SHUT UP SO AIBA HAS TO KISS HIM

[pinkpapyrus.livejournal.com]

Yoko chose the movie and paid for the tickets, so if he wants to critique it's his right as The Guy.

"I'm a guy!" Aiba whispers, stung.

"Yeah, but I'm The Guy." Yoko reaches for the popcorn, but Aiba moves it. Yoko brushs Aiba's crotch and jerks back, startled.

"I don't get it," Aiba says, holding the popcorn over his head. His lips are getting puffier, easing into a pout.

Someone two rows back hisses, "Hey, I can't see Shia LeBeouf's ass."

Aiba brings the popcorn back down and Yoko seizes a handful into his mouth with a triumphant, "Ha ha HA."

Aiba pouts. Full on pout with baby animal anime eyes.

Yoko swallows and says, "Listen, I paid, so I'm The Guy. You're The Girl, but that just means you have to put out later."

Aiba says, "Oh. That's it?"

"Yeah. It's like a down payment for sex."

"Ohh. That also means you have to be The Girl next time."

"What, why?"

"Cos we're guys. It's not fair if one of us is The Girl all the time."

Yoko smiles. "You can be The Guy all the time. I don't mind."

Aiba brightens. "What, really?"

"Sure." Yoko cheerfully imagines the money he'll save as Aiba's girlfriend. "Absolutely really."

Two rows back, someone hisses, "Hey! I can't hear the robots!"

Yoko says, "I'm gonna throw popcorn at her."

Two rows back, the same someone says, "Excuse me?"

Aiba sinks into his seat quickly and pulls Yoko down with him. Yoko whines, "What? I could take her!"

Aiba leans over the armrest and hastily presses their lips together. Yoko says, "Oi," and Aiba's teeth clack on his as Aiba licks his bottom lip.

Someone two rows back says, "Ooh, that's hotter than Shia LeBeouf."

[spurious.livejournal.com]

YAMAPI PRACTICES LAPDANCING ON JIN IN THE STEAMROOM WHILE UEDA IS TRYING TO RELAX

PART THE FIRST

[pinkpapyrus.livejournal.com]

Jin was the cause of the NO SEX IN THE STEAM ROOM rule. When Kame insisted on it, Tegoshi sighed, "Aah, but the rest of us have better restraint than Akanishi-kun."

Even after weeks of demure steam room conduct, Kame remained unmoved. "It's not a punishment," he said, "it's for the upkeep of our collective sanity. I hear enough of that kind of noise during work."

At this, Jin solemnly asked if Kame would lift the rule for a blowjob. This moved Kame--in the direction of the door.

Kame doesn't enforce the rule. There are enough people who agree with him that he doesn't have to. People like Ueda and Tsubasa and Subaru and Nino who won't put up with listening to Jin or Aiba or Yamapi or Tegoshi muffling moans into their bitten palms.

Jin may have been the instigator (caught nibbling Yamapi's ankle of all things), but he's not the only one who sees the steam room as an aromatic alternative to his bedroom. He's just the loudest and most frequent exploiter.

Because the steam room has become a forbidden area, Jin naturally features it in his fantasies more often. It drives him over the edge every time without fail, to imagine his skin beaded and streaked with sweat. Imagine swallowing heat and feeling it moisten his lips. Imagine Yamapi's tongue tracing a line of sweat from Jin's neck to his cock.

Jin doesn't like Kame's rule. So, to an audience of two, Jin proposes a new rule.

NO SEX IN THE STEAM ROOM WHEN KAME IS IN THE STEAM ROOM.

Yamapi raises his hand. "Aye."

It's just after closing. The steam room is empty. They sprawl on a tiled surface and set to palming the sweat gathering on each other's skin. Yamapi licks his lips and kisses Jin slowly on his top lip, then his lower lip. Jin lifts onto his elbows to follow Yamapi's mouth when Yamapi pulls up.

"You're sure everyone's asleep," Yamapi says.

Jin nods, sliding his hand behind Yamapi's neck. Tsubasa went to sleep an hour ago and Takki, hair wet and dark from his shower, joined him not long after. Through their joined wall, Jin also heard the squeak of Ohkura's Western bed. The performers have all left. Jin watched them leave: Ueda first, followed by Jun and Aiba, then Subaru, Nino and Tegoshi last.

"No one's here," Jin assures him. He pulls Yamapi closer, his hands splayed on Yamapi's hipbones. Their skin is damp, their hair forked into dripping sections by sweat. Yamapi, already kneeling over Jin's lap, uses the lack of friction to easily rub against Jin's cock.

Once, he loses his balance and Jin hisses, more appreciative than pained. He scrapes jagged red streaks into Yamapi's thighs.

He puts his arms around Yamapi's waist and leads him in a new rhythm. Yamapi hooks his chin on Jin's shoulder, eyes shut and mouth tight. Jin's fingers slide down his back.

"No one's here," Jin murmurs. "Moan all you want. As long as it's my name, and you don't stop, not until you come. Keep talking, even if it feels like you can't breathe. Even if I swallow your cock, all of it, and suck until you can't hear yourself moan. I want to hear you fall apart, gasp, moan, grunt, everything. Every noise. I want to feel your lips on me whenever you speak."

Yamapi braces his hands on Jin's shoulders and pushes faster, harder, until Jin is groaning and panting. Obediently, he puts his mouth on Jin's and says, "I want to feel you panting on my lips when you come."

Jin whines, throws his head back and reaches hastily for his cock, dragging his hand quick from base to head over and over until he comes on Yamapi's belly. His shuddering breaths flush Yamapi's skin.

Jin says, "Next time," grips Yamapi's cock even as he starts to rock faster, "scream my name." With a strangled moan, Yamapi arches over Jin's shoulder, clinging to his neck. Jin pumps until Yamapi's body stops shaking.

[spurious.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHA I LIKE YOUR EDIT

BARYO SEX ON THE BAR DID I ALREADY ASK YOU FOR THIS?

BARYO BAR SEX

[pinkpapyrus.livejournal.com]

Ryo’s fingers, wet with vodka, drag through Subaru’s hair as Subaru skims his teeth on the underside of Ryo’s cock.

The knees of Subaru’s jeans are soaked, so he can only imagine how saturated the back of Ryo’s shirt is. The bar is flooded with spilled drinks and the liquor ripples with every jagged thrust of Ryo’s hips.

At Ryo’s strangled howl, Subaru lifts up onto his elbows and grasps Ryo’s cock at the base. Underneath him, Ryo bucks once, weakly, then lies still, panting.

“I’ve never blown someone before,” Subaru blurts out.

Ryo draws in a ragged gasp unrelated to the confession.

“I mean, no, I have. I’ve blown guys—guy, one guy—but—”

As Ryo steadies his breathing, his eyelashes shiver on his cheekbones. “Aahh, y-you’re good,” he pants, and his skin somehow flushes darker.

Subaru smiles and kisses Ryo’s stomach. As Subaru pulls Ryo’s knee up and sucks the spot where thigh meets groin, Ryo grips the edge of the bar. Subaru pushes Ryo’s hips down and licks the head of Ryo’s cock slowly, pulling back to do it again. Again. Again.

Ryo’s breath catches on a whine, encouraging Subaru to slick Ryo’s cock once before swallowing it to the base. Ryo tips his head back over the edge, gripping Subaru’s hair in a carefully loose fist.

“Su-Subaru – a-ahhnn.”

Subaru lifts up, holding the base, and sucks just at the head. Ryo’s white fingers slip on sake and without that anchor, he grabs at Subaru’s neck, then grips Subaru’s hair in both fists. He feels a jolt, a sudden curl of heat in his belly and comes in Subaru’s mouth.

Subaru pushes his hair out of his face and swipes at his mouth with his wrist. Ryo drops his forearm over his eyes and pants to the rhythm exhaustion has him follow.

Lips touch his cheek. “Good night, Ryo-chan.”

[spurious.livejournal.com]

NINO/JUN

UM UM

BACKSTAGE DURING A CONCERT, TEARING EACH OTHER'S CLOTHES OFF. BONUS POINTS IF CLOTHES ARE LITERALLY TORN.

[spurious.livejournal.com]

WRITE ME JIN GIVING A BLOWJOB TO THE PERSON OF YOUR CHOICE, IN A DIRTY BAR BATHROOM STALL.

[pinkpapyrus.livejournal.com]

Jin's drunk, but that's not an excuse he can use later. He's had drunken sex in places cleaner and costlier than a grimy bathroom stall. He wouldn't mind admitting it as a fantasy, but Kame's only half-convinced this is worth it, so he doesn't let on that he's any less drunk than Kame. It's not difficult.

Jin kisses up Kame's throat, sucking and nipping at random as he directs Kame backwards into the stall. Kame's bare elbow touches the wall and Kame writhes out of Jin's arms.

"No, no way," he says. He folds in on himself to minimize the likelihood of touching anything. His eyes, though glazed, scan the floor for unusually large insects, toxic vomit spills or the cause of cancer.

Jin says, "Chill. You don't have to touch anything." He's not in love with these jeans, anyway.

"What the hell--no, Jin, get up. We'll go to my car, we'll drive--aah AH."

In seven seconds, Jin has Kame naked from the waist down and shoved against the door. In nine, he's swallowed Kame's cock down to the base. Sweat collects at his temples and weaves down his face, dripping off his nose into the hair slicked to Kame's thighs.

Jin grasps Kame's hips, pushing and pulling to the rhythm he's set. The taste is strong and familiar and Jin sighs hot and long around Kame's cock.

Kame shudders and grimaces. "Jin, Jin--" He covers his mouth over a moan.

Jin slowly curls his tongue over the tip, then takes it all again to the base. Kame's hips jerk, breaking Jin's erratic rhythm. Jin drops his hands behind Kame's knees, allowing Kame to set his own pace now that he's near the edge.

Damp, shaking fingers knot in his hair. Jin watches Kame's face as he palms Kame's balls.

Kame's mouth opens soundlessly, face flushed and gleaming, his lips chewed from restraint. Jin makes a point to suck hard on the head, and Kame shouts once and comes.

("You weren't drunk."

"I was too! I ruined that pair of jeans!"

"They were Yamapi's."

"And he was pissed! Come on, one drink."

"I'm not drinking here again, Jin."

"But--"

"Once is all you get."

"That really sucks, Kame."

"Fantasize about onsen sex like everyone else."

"Everyone doesn't--really? Would you?"

"Shut up now."

"Nice!")

[ilanala]

Eep. I hope you get everything back (and that waiting to find out if you did doesn't drive you too crazy).

Also, Subaru=Gonzo.

*dies* I really wish my friend who loves Muppets (and likes crossing them over with her other fandoms), and especially Gonzo was into JE so I could share how perfect this is with her.

Yay smut. I'm currently watching Shige's drama and he's looking quite nice, so I request Shige with whoever you want to write him with. Umm...in a park, at night.

[spurious.livejournal.com]

OH I WANT AKAME, WHAT WAS HAPPENING IN THE CAR BEFORE THIS PICTURE WAS TAKEN

[unveilsalome.livejournal.com]

I SECOND THIS.

[spurious.livejournal.com]

COULD YOU WRITE TAKKIPI WITH TSUBASA WATCHING IN A NOT-ANGSTY SORT OF WAY BECAUSE IF YOU COULD I WOULD LIKE THAT

[spurious.livejournal.com]

I WANT RYO/KAME IN A CLOSET WITH RYO TRYING TO ASSERT HIS SUPERIORITY THROUGH SEX

[spurious.livejournal.com]

OHMIYA BLOWJOB ON THE COUCH IN NINO'S APARTMENT

[honooko.livejournal.com]

IAWTC

[spurious.livejournal.com]

SECONDED!!!

[spurious.livejournal.com]

AIBA/ANYONE. WITH BLOWJOBS PLEASE. ARE YOU SEEING A PATTERN. IN THE BACKSEAT OF A CAR.

[spurious.livejournal.com]

RYO/JIN ON THE FLOOR IN A PRIVATE ROOM AT A RESTURANT

[spurious.livejournal.com]

JIN MIRACULOUSLY COPIES HIMSELF. FIRST THING HE DOES IS HAVE SEX WITH HIMSELF OF COURSE. IN HIS BED. THEN HE CALLS YAMAPI.

[spurious.livejournal.com]

JIN IS YAMAPI'S PET. EVERY DAY WHEN YAMAPI COMES HOME FROM WORK, JIN IS WAITING AT THE FRONT DOOR. ON HIS KNEES. YAMAPI REWARDS HIM FOR BEING A GOOD BOY ALL DAY.

[spurious.livejournal.com]

GOD I'M SUCH A PSYCHOPATH

YAMAPI WANKFIC PLZ UM IN THE SHOWER

[spurious.livejournal.com]

OH OH OH RYO/YOKO WHERE THEY ARE IN RYO'S APARTMENT ON THE COUCH LOOKING AT PICTURES OF LEAH DIZON AND THEY GIVE EACH OTHER AWKWARD HANDJOBS

[spurious.livejournal.com]

AIBA/JIN. THEIR BANDMATES LOCK THEM IN A ROOM TOGETHER BECAUSE THEY THINK THE COMBINED STUPID WILL BE HILARIOUS, THEY END UP FUCKING ON THE COUCH.

[spurious.livejournal.com]

THESE PREMISES ARE BECOMING MORE AND MORE FLIMSY AS I GO ALONG

JIN/UEDA THEY ARE AT A MUSIC STORE, UEDA IS LOOKING AT GUITARS, JIN DRAGS UEDA OUT INTO THE BACK ALLEY FOR MAKING OUT AND MAYBE HANDS IN PANTS

[this-is-cd.livejournal.com]

:|

[this-is-cd.livejournal.com]

spurious sent me. ^_^

Ummm.

PIN. AWKWARD, FIRST TIME IN A DRESSING ROOM. PERHAPS SOMEONE GETS HURT.

[spurious.livejournal.com]

SUBARU/HINA, SLEEPY MORNINGSEX.